25 Weeks

Weekly Check-In

25 Weeks

Baby Salisbury is the size of a cauliflower this week! 

My post last week was about going into the hospital for a toxemia scare. 

My post this week is about going into the hospital for another scare. 

Ugh. It's been an eventful couple of weeks over here and I'm sick of it. 

I want a nice, boring, uneventful pregnancy. I'm tired of being scared all the time.

Well, this hospital visit was a direct result of my PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) Brain. I've been through 3 losses, so EVERY LITTLE THING that doesn't feel just "right" sets off alarm bells in my head. And then I dwell on those negative thoughts and I overreact to just about everything. 

So here't the sitch- 

Yesterday afternoon after my nap, I started to feel some tightness and soreness in my uterus. Usually when this happens, I drink lots of water and try to relax because it always passes. By 9 o'clock, I was still feeling tight and it had even become a little crampy. I drank more water and tried to lay down to go to bed. I laid awake for about 2 hours trying to just shut my brain off and ignore the cramps. 

But they didn't go away. They were like the cramps I used to get during my time of the month. Not as intense as contractions, but still really uncomfortable. I knew I wasn't going to be getting any sleep.

I guess I was thinking that they may be the start of contractions. I have a cerclage (cervical stitch) in place, but the stitch wouldn't stand up against contractions. It would just pop out. So I was not only worried about contractions, I was worried that my stitch would fail and that my cervix would try to open on it's own. 

My late-term miscarriage this last July was due to my cervix opening by itself. 

So there I was, laying in bed, having Vietnam-style flashback and working myself into a panic. 

J had to wake up at 4 this morning for work, so I was really hesitant to wake him up. But I just couldn't deal with these feelings on my own. I woke him up and told him that something just didn't feel "right". He insisted that we go to the hospital. That's when I started crying. 

I wanted to go to make sure that everything was okay, but at the same time, I really didn't want to know. I wanted to be ignorant. Because if I stayed home, I wouldn't have to get any bad news. 

I fear news like that more than almost anything. But the fear of losing our baby because I was being stupid won out and we went to the hospital. 

We checked in, and were sent down to Labor & Delivery

 (since I'm over 20 weeks, they take me instead of the ER)

The nurse who was there was the same nurse who was there in July when we lost our little sweetheart. 

(insert more flashbacks)

She was great. She comforted me and told me that it was absolutely no problem for me to be there. She said that if they could put my mind at ease, they were more than happy to do so. 

First, they used the doppler to check on the baby. His heart rate was great and I could feel him kicking in there so that helped calm me down right away. They checked my urine for amniotic fluid (all clear). They hooked me up to a monitor to see if I was having contractions (nope, just cramps). And she checked to make sure that my stitch was still in place and that my cervix was still closed (yes & yes). 

So basically, there was nothing wrong. Just cramps. She gave me a heat pad to help relax me and within 2 hours, I was home. 

It made me feel better to know that nothing was wrong, but I feel like such a rotten person for waking my husband up for nothing and dragging him to the hospital in the middle of the night. 

Annnnd, I'm still crampy this morning...so that sucks. 

Anyway...here's a picture of my belly at 25 weeks. Only 15 more to go! 

Time is flying (: 

Thanks for stopping by! Hopefully my next check in will have NOTHING to do with the hospital.

-K